Words Romance Novels Have Ruined for Me

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Hi, friend.

Welcome to another edition of Crooked Reads, a monthly(ish) collection of bite-sized reviews about books on a theme and occasional essays. The newsletter will always be free to read, but it ain’t free to write. Consider becoming a paid subscriber or sending me a book from my wishlist to support my work!

If you read romance, you’re familiar with this situation: You’re enjoying your fun little romance book when a normal word gets a new use, because euphemisms are fun! It’s always during a sexy scene, and from that moment on, that word is only sexy, and ruined in your brain forever.¹

The other day, I was reading a very not-romance book and my eyes caught the word “mound” farther down the page and was like, “oh dang, this it going to take a spicy turn,” but no, it was about a mound of ants. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

Here are just a smattering of words romance novels have ruined for me, and I’m sure they’ve now been ruined for you, too. Sorry not sorry. And yes, I have been collecting these for a very long time.

Chiseled. Delectable. Delicious. Electric. Inner goddess. Supple.

Globes. Pebbled. Puckered.

Apex. Bud. Center. Channel. Core. Entrance. Essence. Folds. Heat. Mound. Nub. Seam. Slit. Wet. Womanhood.

Bulge. Hilt. Length. Manhood. Member. Rigid. Steel. Throbbing. Velvet.

Ache. Crave. Heat. Need.

Caress. Circle. Cup. Glide. Knead. Roll. Scorch. Stroke. Tease.

Enter. Fill. Impale. Probe. Sheath. Thrust.

Groan. Grunt. Hiss. Mewl. Moan. Quiver. Tremble. Waves.

Cream. Erupt. Explode. Juices. Nectar. Pulse. Release. Seed. Spurt.

Whew. Did it just get hot in here?

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xoxo

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1. This piece appeared in a slightly different form at Book Riot in 2019.